just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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