i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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