The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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