I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
