one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
