i would punch a child for taco bell
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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