K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just had sex on a roof
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
These tits shall not be calmed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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