Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
