when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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