If i come over, it means nothing
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
