in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
