I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
