there's paper in my vomit.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
