3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
