I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
