You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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