We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
