Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
