I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
