She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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