Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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