i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was like eating out sand paper
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
