The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
