Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
