im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
