So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
