sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
