So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
