i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
