It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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