the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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