My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
