I accidentally burped into my bong.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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