I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
