Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
