wanna go halves on a baby?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
