if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My balls are so social today.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So much rum. So many feels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
