Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
