its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
