I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He passed out mid-signature
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
