no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
