Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
