I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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