Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
