that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
