sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
