So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
