I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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