"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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