In the future we'll all be gay
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
