they need to just BURY HIM!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
