The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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