She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
