Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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