She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
