Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
