You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
